Names

I used to believe what people said—
 Literally—
 believing each word and expression
 was an accurate reflection
 of the soul behind the words.
 But people don’t work that way.

When one sees the contradictions
 but doesn’t understand the social conventions
 that turn lies into truth;
when one learns that what a person believes
 and what a person believes they believe never match;
 it is hard to trust.

When one cannot tell a jest from a jibe;
 when one is afraid to intrude and stands aside
 then misses the signs of privacy and intrudes;
 it is hard to fit in.

When letters dance and words never spell the same way twice,
 when one needs to see the pattern before one can see the details,
 when the mind gets lost in possibilities and the world moves on,
 it is hard to learn.

Because it didn’t have a name,
 they assigned me names:
 naive, slow, stupid...
but these names didn’t fit,
 and, in time, with experience
 I was able to slough them off and earn new names
 Command Sergeant Major and Principal Engineer.

But now it has a name:
 Autism Spectrum

Such a name becomes an anchor
 dragging through the soul
 until it locks one in place.

I succeeded because it didn’t have a name.